


Dreamer

by Dani



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-05
Updated: 2010-03-05
Packaged: 2017-10-07 17:49:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/67630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dani/pseuds/Dani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Giles is being a little bit whimsical one morning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dreamer

**Author's Note:**

> Mentally I set this a couple hours before Giles was turned into a demon in 'A New Man, however, it could work pretty much anywhere in the series.

                Giles knew he was being ridiculous, holding on so tightly.  Ethan was asleep – he wasn’t going anywhere, whether Giles trapped him in a cage of bare arms and chest or not.  Furthermore, if Ethan were to stir, Giles would loosen his grip and let Ethan leave.  Holding on to him now was utterly redundant.  It’s not like Ethan could ever stay, the impossibility was apparent to both of them.  Their lives were far too different for it to ever work again.  Giles had responsibilities; he had a world to protect.  Ethan could never be the first priority in Giles’ life, and would never settle for less.  But still, Giles curled his arms around Ethan’s torso and pulled him backwards – trying to stop the air itself from separating them.  All Giles wanted to was with Ethan’s back against his chest; to smell Ethan’s hair right beneath his nose.

            It was on mornings like these, when dawn light would stain the room pink and the air was just warm enough to be comfortable and promote lingering, that Giles would allow his mind to wander.  Half-asleep, his mind would conjure up images of Ethan.  Ethan making dinner, never using a recipe but always managing to produce something delicious (even if it was unrecognizable).  Giles would reach for a taste, only to have his hand slapped away.  Ethan would laugh and pat Giles’ cheek before banishing him to the living room or asking him to set the table.  The sheer domesticity of the moment made Giles’ heart ache.

            Other scenes came to mind as well.  The two of them researching together, Ethan getting bored with his work and throwing balls of paper at Giles from across the room.  When Giles looks up, Ethan would offer a smile full of mischief “Oh Ripper, it’s just an apocalypse.  Let the children handle it.  We should go dancing”

            Giles would laugh and kiss Ethan’s cheek before settling in with another book.  Ethan’s attention would go back to his own book, never commenting or complaining.  In this imaginary world, Ethan understands.

 

            Ethan shifts slightly in his sleep, rolling his shoulder back and lacing his fingers with Giles’.  He never wakes though, so Giles is allowed to keep holding on and keep dreaming.

  


 

 

            Next he imagines Ethan with the children.  He can see Ethan connecting with them in a way Giles’ has never allowed himself.  Ethan has always craved family in much the same way as the children do.  It was that longing which brought Ethan to London in the first place, to Giles.  Ethan would have bonded with the children.  He would have connected and loved them all, done everything in his power to protect them.  Giles could imagine Ethan teaching Willow over the years, beginning in the library.  He would have taught her the joys but also the dangers of magic.  Willow would have found in him the teacher that she had always craved.  The parent who finally understands her in a way Giles never allowed himself.  She wouldn’t have had to steal books and learn spells in secret.

            The two of them would float stakes and pencils.  They would shoot them at targets, faster and faster, laughing all the while.  When Giles would look over with a disapproving scowl on his face, Ethan would just smile as if to say ‘What? This IS useful....Not go back to your books, little man”

            Giles would go back to his own research with a slight upturn on his lips.  In this world he trusts Ethan, he trusts magic, and he knows that neither would let anything happen to one of his children. 

            Xander would actually go to Ethan with problems and for advice.  Unlike Giles, who would simply clean his glasses and mutter “good lord”, Ethan has never fought to keep people at arm’s length.  He lets them in, accepts them, adores them, or he hates them.  One always knows where one stand with Ethan.  Xander would find that comforting.  He would finally be released from the limbo of wonder at where he stood, wonder if Giles cared at all or if he was just another uninterested father-figure who only paid attention out of necessity.  Ethan would freely hand out the reassurance Xander so desperately needs but Giles can never seem to give.  Ethan would understand, because Ethan remembers what it’s like to be Xander.

            Buffy.  Buffy would hate him.  Buffy would hold the same ire towards Ethan as any daughter would for her father’s favoured suitor.  She would act out and demand attention, desperately grasping at straws trying to solidify her place in Giles’ life. 

            Giles would reassure her, favour her.  He would tell her that she was his slayer and would be his first priority for as long as she lives.  He’ll hug her and tell her he loves her.  In this world, he still knows she’ll die and it’ll still hurt so much that it’ll feel like he dying with her, but he would also know how important it is to love regardless of how much it hurts.

            Ethan would put a hand on Giles’ shoulder, projecting comfort and understanding before willingly taking his place as second best and helping them with their cause.

            This is when the dreams start changing.  Reality starts to interfere.  Giles imagines himself in the library, the children sitting all around.  He imagines explaining that he loves Ethan. 

            Buffy explodes, reciting every crime Ethan has ever committed.  Fury etched in her features as Willow tries in vain to enforce ‘I’ statements. 

            Xander rises to Giles’ defence, pointing out Buffy’s hypocrisy in challenging Giles’ choices given her would ‘stellar background’.  More yelling ensues, nothing is settled and they all go their separate ways. 

            Willow acts as a go between for a month before they all speak to each other again.  Their reconciliation prompted by Buffy throwing a battered Ethan at his feet.

           “He was using magic to turn the animals evil and they started attacking people in the streets.”   Her bearing smug, her tone triumphant – She was right.

  


 




 

            Giles’ eyes snapped open.  He was still in his room, Ethan still tucked safely in his arms.  Giles starred at Ethan’s ear and the curve of his jaw. 

            Giles didn’t know what was more disturbing: the fact that it was the most realistic scenario, the fact that Giles would have probably added a few of his own blows to Ethan’s injuries, or the fact that even after such a betrayal Giles would have still kissed Ethan before sending him out of town.  One thing was certain however – Buffy was right, Ethan couldn’t be trusted. 

As nice as his dreams were, they could never be reality.  Ethan would never settle for second best and eventually he would so something which would make him a danger – that was who Ethan was.  They could have a day, maybe even a week, but Giles would never trust Ethan with research, or Sunnydale, and he could certainly never trust him with the children.

Giles continued to outline Ethan’s profile, drinking in every detail.  A single rolled from Giles’ eye and absorbed into the pillow.  Ethan was representative of everything Giles loathed.  He caused pain for amusement, discord for money. 

There were also the children to consider.  They needed him to be the stable one.  They would never forgive him for bringing chaos into their lives.  Even if Giles felt lonely, Ethan wasn’t an option – now or ever.  The moment with wakes up, Giles will ask him to leave.  He had known that the moment the invitation was made. 

Ethan stirred again, rolling towards Giles, flinging a leg over his hip, and snuggling into his chest.  Ethan’s eyes were still closed, his breathing even, and a small drop of drool was accumulating at the corner of his mouth. 

A small smile crept on to Giles lips.  Warmth filled his belly and his chest felt heavy.  All the schemes in the world couldn’t change the feeling whenever Giles saw Ethan.  Giles Kissed Ethan’s nose, arms wrapped around him again.

            Giles knew he was being ridiculous.  When Ethan woke up, Giles was going to loosen his grip and let Ethan go before Ethan did anything stupid that would require Giles to hate him again.  But for now, he was going to keep Ethan close and go back to sleep.  Everything else could be dealt with later. 


End file.
